baby (flashfic challenge 13: doubled)

[purplehaze-33.livejournal.com]

Title: Baby
Author: Thea
Pairing: Jaesu
Genre: Romance, angst, lemon
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 1,787 O_______O
Dedication: for harkk! hope you like it, bb! :)))

Summary: All love stories are extraordinary, beautiful and could be made into movies. Sometimes, there is a lot of frustration and pain involved. Tears and rejection. Denial and desire. Jaejoong and Junsu struggle to make sense of it all and eventually fall in love.

Baby-the word is not demeaning or intended to make Junsu feel like the submissive, the girl in their relationship. It is only when he realizes this, that the word is filled with affection, trust, love, does he finally understand and stops fighting Jaejoong.

 

All love stories are extraordinary, beautiful and could be made into movies.

 

Play.

 

Warm hands slip under his shirt, rubbing his back in soothing circles as he arches his neck for the umpteenth time and hurls into the toilet bowl. Tears escape and betray his helplessness, his stomach feels wretched and he spits out, disgusted at the taste of the vomit, stench making him feel even sicker.

 

“Junsu-yah,” Jaejoong murmurs softly, one arm wrapping around his waist and the other rubbing his stomach, trying to stop him from hurling even more into the pot. “You know you can’t really drink, baby. Then why on earth-”

____________________________________________________________________________________
 

 
 

Rewind.

 

Junsu is laughing with Yoochun, the older man is telling him the most hilarious story ever, something about trying to flirt with one of their back dancers and how she started blushing like crazy, unable to even form a coherent sentence, running away squealing excitedly.

 

The next minute Yoochun is running for the bathroom, something about how he needs to fucking pee, always happens when he drinks. The room starts to double and Junsu squints, trying to make it all straight again. He giggles and drains the rest of his glass. Suddenly, he remembers and looks around in panic for someone, anyone, just not him, please let him not find him like this, pliant and willing to do anything-

 

Hot breath tickles his neck and strong arms trap him in a firm, merciless hold. He closes his eyes and feels the panic start to kick in and-

 

“Hi, baby,” Jaejoong greets him, eyes dark and dilated, voice sounding a little too husky and sexy.

 

The good feeling, that funny, crazy high goes crashing down, strange anticlimax and Junsu suddenly feels sick, wants to hurl-


_______________________________________________________________________________________
 

 

Rewind 2x.

 

Trapped in between the counter and sink, Junsu forces himself to calm down, taking a deep breath. That maddening, smooth, voice never goes away, it loops and twirls, creates crazy circles of excitement, makes his blood go hot and he is feeling light-headed, out of place-

 

“You know,” Jaejoong muses. “I’m not doing anything, Junsu. Just showing you how to chop these carrots, baby-”

 

“Don’t.” He chokes out with gritted teeth.

 

“Don’t do what?” Jaejoong grins and places a soft kiss on his neck. “Need to tell me more clearly, I’m not exactly thinking straight right now.”

 

Jaejoong is hard and rubbing against the cleft of his ass, rocking gently, making him sob with repressed want, so much fucking want and need.

 

“Don’t call me baby, Jaejoong. I’m not a girl! Stop fucking treating me like a slut, a toy for you to play around with! I’m not in love with you, when will you leave me alone? Go find some pretty, girly boy to fuck. Not gay, not a fag. Leave me-”

 

He is turned around and Jaejoong is furious, so furious. Dark eyes burn and make him shiver. His elbows are held in a vice-like grip but the grinding continues, hard, insistent rubbing against his groin. His neck arches and the older boy watches him, anger and hurt driving him into a heady state, his need for Junsu, to prove, to show him-

 

“Jaejoong,” Junsu whispers, ragged and desperate, tears dripping down his cheeks. “Why-oh god-fucking why, of all people, why you-”

 

Nothing is said in response and Jaejoong continues to grind his hips in a steady rhythm, watching him with such naked lust that when Junsu decides to look, he gasps and comes, messy and sticky in his underwear, wet spot on his pants. Breathing is harsh and taken with huge gulps, foreheads resting together, tears still flowing and-

 

“If,” Jaejoong whispers, palming his cheeks, “If I catch you alone again, I’m going to just take you. Fuck you so hard, you’ll be moaning my name over and over again, till you ache and scream, till you go crazy for me. I want you so badly, I don’t know if I can control myself anymore. You are going to kill me with this game of yours. Why the fuck cant I stop being love with you, huh?”

 

Junsu closes his eyes. “Answer me! Why the fuck is it that when I look at that sweet face of yours, I feel like I’m losing control? I go insane half the time, wanting your body against mine, rubbing against me, wet and soapy-”

 

Jaejoong is shouting straight in his face, spewing rage, but the anger, sheer desperation, and overwhelming desire: these are emotions that Junsu can understand. The tension has taken on a solid, present form, filling up the air in between their shaking, heated bodies.

 

This is unnatural, not right, and simply ludicrous. Junsu knows that if it was a pretty girl, soft and submissive, he wouldn’t be struggling at the very idea. But here he is, putty in Jaejoong’s arms and how is this supposed to be-

 

“Don’t tell me not to call you baby,” Jaejoong hisses, hurt evident in his uneven tone. “I love you so much, so fucking much. God, Su, please let me love you-”

 

“You said you’d leave me alone.” Junsu mutters. “So go! Go take a fucking shower. Jack off in the bathroom. I don’t even care. You want sex. I’m not going to open my legs and just let you fuck me till I bleed. Find some pretty girl to help you with your frustration. Or a boy, whatever! I will not help you ou-”

 

He is cut off with a bruising kiss, one that leaves his lips stinging and swollen. “Baby, you still don’t get it,” Jaejoong murmurs, fingers massaging his scalp sensually. “Don’t have the fucking energy to explain right now. Just remember, I catch you alone anywhere and-”

 

An insistent tongue pushing in and out of his mouth, giving him a taste of the consequence but Junsu pushes him away, wiping the saliva off with shaking fingers, stomping off-


_________________________________________________________________________________________
 

 

Rewind 4x.

 

“I’m in love” Jaejoong has his eyes glued shut and is slouching in the confessional chair. “That is my sin and I’m really not sorry, Father.”

 

Pause.

 

“Is it another man?” The calm, unaffected voice probes him gently.

 

“Cant leave him alone.” Jaejoong mutters desperately. “He happens to be a Christian too. Keeps asking me why I couldn’t be a girl. Keeps cursing me whenever I try to kiss him, cursing me because I tend to take control and he doesn’t want to admit it excites him, it’s something he actually likes.”

 

He is babbling now, his eyes are suspiciously wet but he has to talk, keep on talking or otherwise, he’ll never get it out, needs to tell someone who won’t fucking blab about how Youngwoong Jaejoong is a disgusting fag, the rumours are already going around like crazy around the company-

 

“I see him and know, I just know-I’d do anything to make him happy-make him smile-make him laugh. Wanted him ever since we first met” Jaejoong wipes his eyes furiously with a sleeve. “I-

 

Pause.

 

“I told myself I’d stay away,” Jaejoong pauses, taking a deep breath. “But he’s beautiful when he laughs, y’know? Drank like a fish once, thought I could forget and woke up the next morning only to fall in love all over again with his voice, his sweet face, that beautiful body, all of him-”

 

“Kid,” the calm voice is tender and filled with pity. “You think you can take on the world if you go around holding his hand? I’m guessing you’re twenty, give or take a few years. How are you so sure it is love? There is something called infat-”

 

Jaejoong gets up, feeling oddly light and relieved. “Infatuation, I know that. But thing is, I’ve been in love and I’ve had casual sex with both men and women. There is always this urge to prove to him, to show him that I’m the only one he will ever need. He says the same things too, Father. But-”

 

He pulls on his jacket and gets his black gloves out. “I just realized I don’t want you to absolve me. This is going to be my last confession and just so you know-we’re both singers. We’ll never be able to hold hands and kiss like any other couple. I just needed-to talk. He’s the one who’s all into the faith and church-not me. I’m agnostic.”

 

A draught of cold air which is abruptly cut off by the confessional door banging shut like a snub, a crisis in faith. A long sigh and the other door opens, lips chant a prayer for the troubled youth and fingers continue to click the beads of a red-beaded rosary.

_______________________________________________________________________________________
 

 

Forewind 4x.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jaejoong mumbles, sounding penitent for once, after he’s finished gargling and brushing his teeth furiously. “I’m sorry if you’re scared of me now or something-”

 

Junsu sighs. A long-suffering sigh. He turns around and buries his face in the other’s neck, placing a hand on Jaejoong’s chest, marveling at the erratic heartbeat and shallow breaths. “You scare me, I scare myself, this scares me-”

 

“It doesn’t have to be like that, baby,” Jaejoong whispers brokenly, “Be my boyfriend. Or my lover. Or just together with me. No labels. Whatever you want. Just let me touch you, Junsu-yah. Just-”

 

“Shut up,” Junsu rasps, voice all hoarse from retching his guts out. “Just shut up, Jaejoong. You’ve said enough, so much that nothing you say makes sense anymore. And stop calling me-”

 

“Baby,” Jaejoong cooes, smiling wickedly. “You actually like it, don’t you? Makes you get all hot and excited. Do you want me to fuck you now, baby?”

 

Junsu hates feeling so helpless. Hates feeling like his brain is going to explode just by having Jaejoong touch him, kiss him, whisper sensually in his ear, dirty and lewd, but the worst of it all is when-

 

They’re tired, bone-dead and about ready to collapse after work. Jaejoong pulls him into the shower, strips him and silences every single protest with a painfully intense kiss, sucking out his soul and planting his own onto Junsu’s lips, eyes, skin, till everything about Junsu smells like the older man, everything around him reminds him of-

 

jaejoonjaejoongjaejoong-

 

 

The world revolves and rotates in crazy, spinning circles when you’re drunk and high off soaring emotion, roaring in your ears, he becomes the brightest and most beautiful in your distorted vision and then you snap out of it-

 

“Fuck me now, Jaejoong.”

 

-only to fall under his spell again, he’s a magician and you’re in a trance, when the illusion will shatter is something he refuses to let you brood on but for now-

 

“Love you too.”

 

The tears falling on your face, the blubbering and splotchy-red cheeks, the whispers of babybabybaby make you realize that maybe he is worth it. Maybe.

 

Stop.