dbsk_flashfic | we are amazing (flashfic challenge 20: now or never) (Reply)

Title: we are amazing
Author: Thea
Pairing: Jaemin
Word Count: 780
Rating: PG-13
Concrit: I like it, just dont be mean. :)
Summary: We are amazing. We dont know that. We just are.
POV: Changmin's. but it switches in the middle.
A/N: I am writing a decently long jaemin after so. fucking. long. so i need the feedback desperately. :((

We are amazing.

That’s what he tells you resolutely, getting under the covers and throwing an arm carelessly around your waist. You swat it away absentmindedly, only to have him repeat the motion, holding on tightly. This time, you let him, cursing and letting him breathe heavily on your neck, the stink of alcohol and cigarettes, inescapable and disgusting.

Some things are meant to be. Like Jaejoong constantly bitching at you to clean up your fucking shithole for once and you telling him to fuck off in the sweetest tone possible.

Some things are not. He flits from job to job; restless and dissatisfied, looks tired with bags under his eyes when he barges into your cluttered, filthy apartment and doesn’t say anything. Then you have to pull the faded, black file from his trembling fingers and obsessively read through his resume again, correcting previously-corrected, familiar phrases again, again, again-

Sometimes, you look at yourself in the mirror and say-

“I am amazing.”

-and wonder why it sounds strained and forced, when clearly you try to believe in it, no matter how many times you’ve told him he is full of sappy shit.

We’re amazing. We don’t know that.

Yunho doesn’t say anything when he notices the way Jaejoong’s lips fold together into a thin line as a pretty girl tries to slip Changmin her phone number.

“He is amazing,” he says softly and Jaejoong’s lips quirk up into a small, amused smile, glancing at his best friend now.

“I am too,” Jaejoong murmurs to himself and drains the rest of his glass. Yunho hears and pretends that he hasn’t.

Changmin saunters over and presses the slip of paper into Jaejoong’s hands. An incredulous look and Jaejoong smirks when Changmin leans in to whisper-

“You need to get laid more than I do.”

A teasing kiss on the cheek and Changmin leaves the pub. Jaejoong touches his cheek and stares blankly at his empty glass, smirk wiped off his face as he keeps repeating to himself-

“I am amazing.”

-and the paper with the untidily scrawled numbers in black felt-tip pen is crushed viciously, torn up into many little pieces.

We are amazing. We don’t know that. We just are.

You look at him, bleary-eyed and pissed off, then you see the resume in his hands and he refuses to look you in the eye. His suit is covered with dust and dress pants have grass stains all over them.

Reaching forward, you tilt his chin up and trace his lower lip with your thumb. Eyes are swollen and red, he looks so thin and only the belt is keeping his pants up-

He begins in a choked voice, hoarse with emotion. “I’m not-

You shut him up, kissing him and forcing his lips open, telling him what you’ve been holding back on with your tongue, slipping hands under his shirt. He kicks the door shut with his leg and the two of you stumble, falling on your tiny couch.

Straddling his waist, you continue to kiss him, removing his shirt off, one hand palming his cheek and the other one on his neck, pulling him tightly to yourself, trying to melt into him, feel his pain and share it with him-

“You are amazing, Jaejoong.” Whispering huskily on his lips, your eyes are hesitant and then he is crying again, kissing you even more fervently-

“So are you,” he chokes out, pulling you up and yanking off your pyjamas. “So are you.”

That night, you don’t get any sleep and come morning, your eyes are bloodshot and his are feverishly bright. He watches you try to make coffee with hooded eyes, flushing at his uncomfortable scrutiny.

Fingers shake and immediately let go of the sugar bowl as his arm wraps around your waist, breathing hot on your neck, slowly unzipping your jeans.

He kisses you softly on the neck, fingers cupping your length and you whine, trying to remove your boxers but he refuses, stroking gently, biting and sucking your neck, leaving little red marks all over the abused skin.

You throw your head back on his shoulder and he hums a soft tune, continuing to rub up and down, running his thumb hard over the tip. When you come, it is lazy and slow, messy and sticky in your underwear and then you’re turning around to kiss him. He pulls away, looking unsure-

“You’re amazing, Jaejoong,” you whisper again and again, wondering why you didn’t say it earlier.

When he kisses you back rather violently, desperately holding on to you, you say it in your mind one more time.

“I am amazing.”

This time, the words feel right. So you say it after he pulls apart.

Jaejoong smiles and you lean in to kiss him again.